Archive for the ‘Scary things’ Category

As is my tradition I shall list them in reverse scariness order.

10 Monster Mash–This classic of holiday airplay is probably known to everyone in ear shot of this blog.  I haven’t much to say about it.  It isn’t really scary though.

9 Wildfire-What the fuck is wrong with these people?  Did the horse run away?  Was it taken up by demons? Did the singers girlfriend run off with it? Or was this guy fucking this animal?  Perhaps this was the love theme from Equus.  I mean, WTF!?

8 Honey–A Creepy little Bobby Goldsboro number about a dead girlfriend.  It is just weird.  He is singing so happily about how he avoided killing her through all the stupid shit she did, so that nature could take it’s course.

7 Billy Don’t Be A Hero–This one fell at the tale end of the “my lover died horribly” genre.  It was lame with a capitol B.  And had the most irritating last line of any song ever.  “I heard she threw the letter away”  OMG! How could she do that?  It should have been, I heard she used the letter in her parrots cage.  Or I heard she wiped her ass with the letter.  OR I heard she couldn’t take it anymore and hanged herself with the flag that came with it.

6 D.O.A.–The name of the band was Bloodrock.  The song came out sometime around 1970.  It received much airplay and was quite popular.  I am not making this up.  This song was literally the last dying thoughts of a man laying in an ambulance beside his dead girlfriend and describing the accident he just was in and the fact that his arm was ripped off in it.  Nuff said.

5 Angie Baby–I would love to say that when this slimy Helen Reddy hit came out it gave me nightmares.  But it didn’t.  In fact I bought it. I am ashamed and I don’t want to talk about it anymore.

4 The Night the Lights Went Out in Georgia–What were they thinking? How did this ever become a hit?  I probably bought this one too, but I am not proud of it.

3 Goodbye Earl–It’s a Dixie Chick song.  I noticed it mostly because Dennis Franze is in the video.  Once you get past that, the main concept of this song is that this woman’s husband is an asshole and she kills him and no one cares.  Pretty horrible I would say.  What kind of message are we sending to our youth?

2 Dark Lady–One of the first of Cher’s break-away hits.  It involves fortune telling and murder.  It is unclear what part of the lady is dark, but you can bet it must be a very spooky part.

1 I almost dare not type the title, but the number one scariest song ever to actually be played on American radio is (was) Elusive Butterfly by Bob Lynde!  There I said it and I feel better.  This song really did give me nightmares.  It is a shitload of metaphors that are supposed to be comparing love to an elusive butterfly (get it?).  But you tell that to a six year old who hears lines like:

You might wake up some mornin’
To the sound of something moving past your window in the wind
And if you’re quick enough to rise
You’ll catch a fleeting glimpse of someone’s fading shadow

Jesus Christ!  and it gets better…

You might have seen me runnin’
Through the long-abandoned ruins of the dreams you left behind
If you remember something there
That glided past you followed close by heavy breathin’

Mommy!  Mooooommm!!!! Make it stop!  Wish it into the cornfield.  Is it to early for me to start drinking? When I was six I had never heard of stalking, but I knew evil when I heard it on the radio.

And the ultimate scariest line ever (it really did give me nightmares)
Out on the new horizon
You may see the floating motion of a distant pair of wings

Yes, Billy!  It’s the angel of death coming to rip your terrified young  soul out through your asshole while you’re sleeping!  Goodnight.

Well that’s it for today Kids. Come back next time when I might actually be writing about comics.

PS-I did not see the squirrel today.  It may read my blog.

PPS-Which could explain my lack of comments, because squirrels do not leave comments. It’s a religious thing with them.  Yes.  I think it’s silly too, but don’t try to argue with one of the little gray zealots, or before you know it, you will find all your nuts gone and you’ll be covered in squirrel pee.