Dark Horse is a strange name for a publishing company, don’t you think? I’ve always assumed that they took this name to proclaim their outsider status. Their maverick stance, publishing things that set them apart from the mainstream. They produce edgy comics, perhaps not acceptable to the greater masses. I have since changed my mind. I now believe that they took the name Dark Horse, because it most closely describes the type of cock they suck.

When the first issue of Dark Horse’s Creepy, hit the stands, someone should have torn them a “new one” right then and there. I should have! Instead, I pulled my punches. I gave them the benefit of the doubt, because an ongoing anthology horror comic appealed to me, in concept anyway. It didn’t matter if the publisher was Dark Horse or Marvel or Image or some idiot with a letterpress in his father’s garage.

I rushed to buy the first issue; It sucked. But I didn’t say that in my review. I mentioned a few flaws but remained optimistic. Later, I did reviews of the individual stories in the magazine. Not because it deserved more coverage, but to clear my soul of the karmic dreck resulting from not venting it properly the first time. By separating out the parts, I hoped to write more accurately about the shitty parts without condemning the whole thing. I also read other reviews, many of which raved about the stories that I considered to be the worst. So I doubted myself. No one had come down on it as hard as I wanted to. (including me) I had buffered my opinion with the opinions of others.

Fuck ‘em!

I do my loyal fan a disservice by watering-down my opinions. People don’t read this blog for other peoples’ opinions. They read it for mine. I completely whored myself out when I said the magazine merely blew. Saying this magazine blows is like saying that a face-full of skunk-spray smells a little funny.

When somebody produces a complete piece of crap, like the first issue of Dark Horse’s Creepy, it can really knock a reviewer off-balance, leaving him confused and disoriented. One finds oneself looking around and wondering if others are seeing this too, unable to fathom how this shit could have slid past an editor, feeling an incredible sense of revulsion and betrayal at having forked-out $5.00 to get the most disappointing thing since Star Wars: Episode One.

Am I the only person left who knows what good horror is, or what an anthology series can be? Is it just me and my lamp, wandering from comic shop to comic shop, like a desperate Diogenes seeking one good horror comic?

Perhaps you suspect where this is going. You might think I’ve been disappointed with Dark Horse’s latest issue. (which came out two months after it was scheduled to) I don’t know where you got that idea, but I will be reviewing issue 3 eventually. I’ve waited a couple of weeks. And there is no hurry. If I fucked around for another six months the review would probably still come out before the next issue of the comic does. Which judging by the way Dark Horse is publishing these things, won’t come out until the fall of 2012! (I guess another reason for their maverick status is there bold policy of never hitting a fucking deadline.) It’s important that I get this next review exactly right, because there likely will not be a review of Creepy four, assuming there will be an issue four.

I don’t want to turn this post into a long rambling bitch about the first issue of Creepy (too late!). I just wanted to get a post up to fill the dead time, while I’m trying to write a proper review of Creepy #3.

I don’t know about you, but I’ve had enough. If anyone out there finds any good comics, let me know.

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